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HR woman suggesting me I should not hang out with the coworker
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I am pretty new at my work having only been there for a few months (compared to people who have worked there for up to 10 years) and I felt a little pushed aside during lunch breaks or company parties as the old guys had much more things in common to talk about. However, I got some nice contact with a coworker who is generally not full effort into the work and is the first person to enhance conflicts if there appear any. Yet, he was very nice to me and it helped me feel better as barely anyone else wanted to speak to me outside the obvious work related stuff.
Recently, HR woman planned a short meeting with me and the pure fact she planned it ahead instead of just straight up approaching me seemed like the matter is somewhat serious. So we went to the conference room and after some initial chit-chat she suggested that I "should be more careful choosing company amongst coworkers". I did not understand at first but then she pointed out that I started hanging out and generally getting closer to the guy mentioned in the previous paragraph. She told me that this guy is generally poorly viewed by the management because of his low engagement to the work stuff and his tendence to throw some mildly offensive jokes that can cause him to get sued by anyone who feels offended. At the end she said that I seem to be a promising candidate to get promoted in the future and therefore it is not advised I am associated with the guy who might receive a termination of employment soon.
The last part sounded a little bit like a threat to me. I know for sure the HR woman really dislikes this guy and I can somewhat understand her (yes, his jokes are really out of place every now and then). However, I can't seem to find out why staying in good relation with him (as I have been trying with anyone else with poor results) could hurt my career. What should I do in this case? Should I comply and reduce contact with the said coworker to avoid any potential inconvenience? And also, what could the possible motives of the whole matter be? Is the HR girl trying to separate the guy from the other colleagues to convince him to quit himself or is she genuinely trying to protect me?
management work-environment colleagues career-development
asked 9 hours ago
user105494user105494
241
New contributor
user105494 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
I am pretty new at my work having only been there for a few months (compared to people who have worked there for up to 10 years) and I felt a little pushed aside during lunch breaks or company parties as the old guys had much more things in common to talk about. However, I got some nice contact with a coworker who is generally not full effort into the work and is the first person to enhance conflicts if there appear any. Yet, he was very nice to me and it helped me feel better as barely anyone else wanted to speak to me outside the obvious work related stuff.
Recently, HR woman planned a short meeting with me and the pure fact she planned it ahead instead of just straight up approaching me seemed like the matter is somewhat serious. So we went to the conference room and after some initial chit-chat she suggested that I "should be more careful choosing company amongst coworkers". I did not understand at first but then she pointed out that I started hanging out and generally getting closer to the guy mentioned in the previous paragraph. She told me that this guy is generally poorly viewed by the management because of his low engagement to the work stuff and his tendence to throw some mildly offensive jokes that can cause him to get sued by anyone who feels offended. At the end she said that I seem to be a promising candidate to get promoted in the future and therefore it is not advised I am associated with the guy who might receive a termination of employment soon.
The last part sounded a little bit like a threat to me. I know for sure the HR woman really dislikes this guy and I can somewhat understand her (yes, his jokes are really out of place every now and then). However, I can't seem to find out why staying in good relation with him (as I have been trying with anyone else with poor results) could hurt my career. What should I do in this case? Should I comply and reduce contact with the said coworker to avoid any potential inconvenience? And also, what could the possible motives of the whole matter be? Is the HR girl trying to separate the guy from the other colleagues to convince him to quit himself or is she genuinely trying to protect me?
management work-environment colleagues career-development
asked 9 hours ago
user105494user105494
241
New contributor
user105494 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
Only you can decide if your career is more important to you than socializing with co-workers.
– sf02
9 hours ago
what would you like to happen?
– aaaaaa
8 hours ago
1
This is someone who generally does not put his full effort into the work and is the first person to enhance conflicts, has low engagement to the work stuff and has a tendency to tell offensive jokes that can cause him to get sued. She was trying to be helpful. You can still do whatever it is you want and hope for the best.
– Joe Strazzere
6 hours ago
2
An HR person telling you someone else may be terminated soon is a breach of confidentiality. They should not be telling you this under any circumstances.
– Solar Mike
2 hours ago
2
Mandatory disclaimer: HR is not your friend.
– EJoshuaS
1 hour ago
add a comment |
I am pretty new at my work having only been there for a few months (compared to people who have worked there for up to 10 years) and I felt a little pushed aside during lunch breaks or company parties as the old guys had much more things in common to talk about. However, I got some nice contact with a coworker who is generally not full effort into the work and is the first person to enhance conflicts if there appear any. Yet, he was very nice to me and it helped me feel better as barely anyone else wanted to speak to me outside the obvious work related stuff.
Recently, HR woman planned a short meeting with me and the pure fact she planned it ahead instead of just straight up approaching me seemed like the matter is somewhat serious. So we went to the conference room and after some initial chit-chat she suggested that I "should be more careful choosing company amongst coworkers". I did not understand at first but then she pointed out that I started hanging out and generally getting closer to the guy mentioned in the previous paragraph. She told me that this guy is generally poorly viewed by the management because of his low engagement to the work stuff and his tendence to throw some mildly offensive jokes that can cause him to get sued by anyone who feels offended. At the end she said that I seem to be a promising candidate to get promoted in the future and therefore it is not advised I am associated with the guy who might receive a termination of employment soon.
The last part sounded a little bit like a threat to me. I know for sure the HR woman really dislikes this guy and I can somewhat understand her (yes, his jokes are really out of place every now and then). However, I can't seem to find out why staying in good relation with him (as I have been trying with anyone else with poor results) could hurt my career. What should I do in this case? Should I comply and reduce contact with the said coworker to avoid any potential inconvenience? And also, what could the possible motives of the whole matter be? Is the HR girl trying to separate the guy from the other colleagues to convince him to quit himself or is she genuinely trying to protect me?
management work-environment colleagues career-development
asked 9 hours ago
user105494user105494
241
New contributor
user105494 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I am pretty new at my work having only been there for a few months (compared to people who have worked there for up to 10 years) and I felt a little pushed aside during lunch breaks or company parties as the old guys had much more things in common to talk about. However, I got some nice contact with a coworker who is generally not full effort into the work and is the first person to enhance conflicts if there appear any. Yet, he was very nice to me and it helped me feel better as barely anyone else wanted to speak to me outside the obvious work related stuff.
Recently, HR woman planned a short meeting with me and the pure fact she planned it ahead instead of just straight up approaching me seemed like the matter is somewhat serious. So we went to the conference room and after some initial chit-chat she suggested that I "should be more careful choosing company amongst coworkers". I did not understand at first but then she pointed out that I started hanging out and generally getting closer to the guy mentioned in the previous paragraph. She told me that this guy is generally poorly viewed by the management because of his low engagement to the work stuff and his tendence to throw some mildly offensive jokes that can cause him to get sued by anyone who feels offended. At the end she said that I seem to be a promising candidate to get promoted in the future and therefore it is not advised I am associated with the guy who might receive a termination of employment soon.
The last part sounded a little bit like a threat to me. I know for sure the HR woman really dislikes this guy and I can somewhat understand her (yes, his jokes are really out of place every now and then). However, I can't seem to find out why staying in good relation with him (as I have been trying with anyone else with poor results) could hurt my career. What should I do in this case? Should I comply and reduce contact with the said coworker to avoid any potential inconvenience? And also, what could the possible motives of the whole matter be? Is the HR girl trying to separate the guy from the other colleagues to convince him to quit himself or is she genuinely trying to protect me?
management work-environment colleagues career-development
management work-environment colleagues career-development
asked 9 hours ago
user105494user105494
241
New contributor
user105494 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 9 hours ago
user105494user105494
241
New contributor
user105494 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 9 hours ago
user105494user105494
241
New contributor
user105494 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 9 hours ago
user105494user105494
241
asked 9 hours ago
user105494user105494
241
241
New contributor
user105494 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
user105494 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
Only you can decide if your career is more important to you than socializing with co-workers.
– sf02
9 hours ago
what would you like to happen?
– aaaaaa
8 hours ago
1
This is someone who generally does not put his full effort into the work and is the first person to enhance conflicts, has low engagement to the work stuff and has a tendency to tell offensive jokes that can cause him to get sued. She was trying to be helpful. You can still do whatever it is you want and hope for the best.
– Joe Strazzere
6 hours ago
2
An HR person telling you someone else may be terminated soon is a breach of confidentiality. They should not be telling you this under any circumstances.
– Solar Mike
2 hours ago
2
Mandatory disclaimer: HR is not your friend.
– EJoshuaS
1 hour ago
add a comment |
1
Only you can decide if your career is more important to you than socializing with co-workers.
– sf02
9 hours ago
what would you like to happen?
– aaaaaa
8 hours ago
1
This is someone who generally does not put his full effort into the work and is the first person to enhance conflicts, has low engagement to the work stuff and has a tendency to tell offensive jokes that can cause him to get sued. She was trying to be helpful. You can still do whatever it is you want and hope for the best.
– Joe Strazzere
6 hours ago
2
An HR person telling you someone else may be terminated soon is a breach of confidentiality. They should not be telling you this under any circumstances.
– Solar Mike
2 hours ago
2
Mandatory disclaimer: HR is not your friend.
– EJoshuaS
1 hour ago
1
1
Only you can decide if your career is more important to you than socializing with co-workers.
– sf02
9 hours ago
Only you can decide if your career is more important to you than socializing with co-workers.
– sf02
9 hours ago
what would you like to happen?
– aaaaaa
8 hours ago
what would you like to happen?
– aaaaaa
8 hours ago
1
1
This is someone who generally does not put his full effort into the work and is the first person to enhance conflicts, has low engagement to the work stuff and has a tendency to tell offensive jokes that can cause him to get sued. She was trying to be helpful. You can still do whatever it is you want and hope for the best.
– Joe Strazzere
6 hours ago
This is someone who generally does not put his full effort into the work and is the first person to enhance conflicts, has low engagement to the work stuff and has a tendency to tell offensive jokes that can cause him to get sued. She was trying to be helpful. You can still do whatever it is you want and hope for the best.
– Joe Strazzere
6 hours ago
2
2
An HR person telling you someone else may be terminated soon is a breach of confidentiality. They should not be telling you this under any circumstances.
– Solar Mike
2 hours ago
An HR person telling you someone else may be terminated soon is a breach of confidentiality. They should not be telling you this under any circumstances.
– Solar Mike
2 hours ago
2
2
Mandatory disclaimer: HR is not your friend.
– EJoshuaS
1 hour ago
Mandatory disclaimer: HR is not your friend.
– EJoshuaS
1 hour ago
add a comment |
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
That's unusual and inappropriate behavior from the HR person. Regardless of what issues your colleague has, that needs to be dealt with behind closed doors and out of sight of any other employees.
Ask your manager for advice. Tell him the facts of the story and ask for her/his interpretation and what he/she expects you to do.
answered 8 hours ago
HilmarHilmar
35.3k1076103
"Inappropriate" - Oh yeah, definitely. "Unusual" - Well, maybe. In the stereotypical "we can barely keep the lights on" startup, I could easily imagine this "HR person" also being the CEO and the OP's immediate manager. That's probably not the case in this particular question, but still, the degree to which HR knows what it is doing varies substantially.
– Kevin
21 secs ago
add a comment |
or is she genuinely trying to protect me?
People in this forum can't know what the HR woman really plans to achieve.
But I can give my impression of this situation which should help you to further evaluate it. The short form of my answer is yes she could be trying to protect you.
I can't seem to find out why staying in good relation with him (as I have been trying with anyone else with poor results) could hurt my career.
Imagine this at school, the bullies or "bad ones" or nerds and whatever groups there are. One doesn't judge everyone individually. Someone joining the bullies group is considered a bully too. How else should they fit into this group? Period. This is not nice but it's how peoples' minds work.
From what you describe I conclude this person is seen as perhaps an outsider (not a major problem) who makes inaproppriate jokes and upsets people (this is a problem).
You are joining this group.
Those who don't like him will not even try to like you - it's even harder for you to get close to others. Imagine the person really leaves this company, then your only contact is lost but your impression on others is still present.
The information she gave you can help you to at least not slip completely out of contact to other colleagues.
If you really are a candidate to be promoted, being an outsider that noone else talks to really is an obstacle.
What should I do in this case?
Regardless of this HR meeting was legally or ethically correct or not, you should think about where you are going to position yourself in this company.
I would ask the HR woman for further details about what she said. What is this guy's reputation in the company, is he really short about getting fired and so on. She should know what she is allowed to tell you,
If you want to keep chit-chat alive with the guy, don't loose contact to other colleagues. For example the lunch breaks, don't feel pushed back if they talk about long-known things. It's not a problem to just listen to them.
There is another thread I know and probably many others I don't know dealing with how to get closer contact to colleagues.
answered 1 hour ago
puckpuck
1,363211
add a comment |
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2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
That's unusual and inappropriate behavior from the HR person. Regardless of what issues your colleague has, that needs to be dealt with behind closed doors and out of sight of any other employees.
Ask your manager for advice. Tell him the facts of the story and ask for her/his interpretation and what he/she expects you to do.
answered 8 hours ago
HilmarHilmar
35.3k1076103
"Inappropriate" - Oh yeah, definitely. "Unusual" - Well, maybe. In the stereotypical "we can barely keep the lights on" startup, I could easily imagine this "HR person" also being the CEO and the OP's immediate manager. That's probably not the case in this particular question, but still, the degree to which HR knows what it is doing varies substantially.
– Kevin
21 secs ago
add a comment |
That's unusual and inappropriate behavior from the HR person. Regardless of what issues your colleague has, that needs to be dealt with behind closed doors and out of sight of any other employees.
Ask your manager for advice. Tell him the facts of the story and ask for her/his interpretation and what he/she expects you to do.
answered 8 hours ago
HilmarHilmar
35.3k1076103
"Inappropriate" - Oh yeah, definitely. "Unusual" - Well, maybe. In the stereotypical "we can barely keep the lights on" startup, I could easily imagine this "HR person" also being the CEO and the OP's immediate manager. That's probably not the case in this particular question, but still, the degree to which HR knows what it is doing varies substantially.
– Kevin
21 secs ago
add a comment |
That's unusual and inappropriate behavior from the HR person. Regardless of what issues your colleague has, that needs to be dealt with behind closed doors and out of sight of any other employees.
Ask your manager for advice. Tell him the facts of the story and ask for her/his interpretation and what he/she expects you to do.
answered 8 hours ago
HilmarHilmar
35.3k1076103
That's unusual and inappropriate behavior from the HR person. Regardless of what issues your colleague has, that needs to be dealt with behind closed doors and out of sight of any other employees.
Ask your manager for advice. Tell him the facts of the story and ask for her/his interpretation and what he/she expects you to do.
answered 8 hours ago
HilmarHilmar
35.3k1076103
answered 8 hours ago
HilmarHilmar
35.3k1076103
answered 8 hours ago
HilmarHilmar
35.3k1076103
answered 8 hours ago
HilmarHilmar
35.3k1076103
35.3k1076103
"Inappropriate" - Oh yeah, definitely. "Unusual" - Well, maybe. In the stereotypical "we can barely keep the lights on" startup, I could easily imagine this "HR person" also being the CEO and the OP's immediate manager. That's probably not the case in this particular question, but still, the degree to which HR knows what it is doing varies substantially.
– Kevin
21 secs ago
add a comment |
"Inappropriate" - Oh yeah, definitely. "Unusual" - Well, maybe. In the stereotypical "we can barely keep the lights on" startup, I could easily imagine this "HR person" also being the CEO and the OP's immediate manager. That's probably not the case in this particular question, but still, the degree to which HR knows what it is doing varies substantially.
– Kevin
21 secs ago
"Inappropriate" - Oh yeah, definitely. "Unusual" - Well, maybe. In the stereotypical "we can barely keep the lights on" startup, I could easily imagine this "HR person" also being the CEO and the OP's immediate manager. That's probably not the case in this particular question, but still, the degree to which HR knows what it is doing varies substantially.
– Kevin
21 secs ago
"Inappropriate" - Oh yeah, definitely. "Unusual" - Well, maybe. In the stereotypical "we can barely keep the lights on" startup, I could easily imagine this "HR person" also being the CEO and the OP's immediate manager. That's probably not the case in this particular question, but still, the degree to which HR knows what it is doing varies substantially.
– Kevin
21 secs ago
add a comment |
or is she genuinely trying to protect me?
People in this forum can't know what the HR woman really plans to achieve.
But I can give my impression of this situation which should help you to further evaluate it. The short form of my answer is yes she could be trying to protect you.
I can't seem to find out why staying in good relation with him (as I have been trying with anyone else with poor results) could hurt my career.
Imagine this at school, the bullies or "bad ones" or nerds and whatever groups there are. One doesn't judge everyone individually. Someone joining the bullies group is considered a bully too. How else should they fit into this group? Period. This is not nice but it's how peoples' minds work.
From what you describe I conclude this person is seen as perhaps an outsider (not a major problem) who makes inaproppriate jokes and upsets people (this is a problem).
You are joining this group.
Those who don't like him will not even try to like you - it's even harder for you to get close to others. Imagine the person really leaves this company, then your only contact is lost but your impression on others is still present.
The information she gave you can help you to at least not slip completely out of contact to other colleagues.
If you really are a candidate to be promoted, being an outsider that noone else talks to really is an obstacle.
What should I do in this case?
Regardless of this HR meeting was legally or ethically correct or not, you should think about where you are going to position yourself in this company.
I would ask the HR woman for further details about what she said. What is this guy's reputation in the company, is he really short about getting fired and so on. She should know what she is allowed to tell you,
If you want to keep chit-chat alive with the guy, don't loose contact to other colleagues. For example the lunch breaks, don't feel pushed back if they talk about long-known things. It's not a problem to just listen to them.
There is another thread I know and probably many others I don't know dealing with how to get closer contact to colleagues.
answered 1 hour ago
puckpuck
1,363211
add a comment |
or is she genuinely trying to protect me?
People in this forum can't know what the HR woman really plans to achieve.
But I can give my impression of this situation which should help you to further evaluate it. The short form of my answer is yes she could be trying to protect you.
I can't seem to find out why staying in good relation with him (as I have been trying with anyone else with poor results) could hurt my career.
Imagine this at school, the bullies or "bad ones" or nerds and whatever groups there are. One doesn't judge everyone individually. Someone joining the bullies group is considered a bully too. How else should they fit into this group? Period. This is not nice but it's how peoples' minds work.
From what you describe I conclude this person is seen as perhaps an outsider (not a major problem) who makes inaproppriate jokes and upsets people (this is a problem).
You are joining this group.
Those who don't like him will not even try to like you - it's even harder for you to get close to others. Imagine the person really leaves this company, then your only contact is lost but your impression on others is still present.
The information she gave you can help you to at least not slip completely out of contact to other colleagues.
If you really are a candidate to be promoted, being an outsider that noone else talks to really is an obstacle.
What should I do in this case?
Regardless of this HR meeting was legally or ethically correct or not, you should think about where you are going to position yourself in this company.
I would ask the HR woman for further details about what she said. What is this guy's reputation in the company, is he really short about getting fired and so on. She should know what she is allowed to tell you,
If you want to keep chit-chat alive with the guy, don't loose contact to other colleagues. For example the lunch breaks, don't feel pushed back if they talk about long-known things. It's not a problem to just listen to them.
There is another thread I know and probably many others I don't know dealing with how to get closer contact to colleagues.
answered 1 hour ago
puckpuck
1,363211
add a comment |
or is she genuinely trying to protect me?
People in this forum can't know what the HR woman really plans to achieve.
But I can give my impression of this situation which should help you to further evaluate it. The short form of my answer is yes she could be trying to protect you.
I can't seem to find out why staying in good relation with him (as I have been trying with anyone else with poor results) could hurt my career.
Imagine this at school, the bullies or "bad ones" or nerds and whatever groups there are. One doesn't judge everyone individually. Someone joining the bullies group is considered a bully too. How else should they fit into this group? Period. This is not nice but it's how peoples' minds work.
From what you describe I conclude this person is seen as perhaps an outsider (not a major problem) who makes inaproppriate jokes and upsets people (this is a problem).
You are joining this group.
Those who don't like him will not even try to like you - it's even harder for you to get close to others. Imagine the person really leaves this company, then your only contact is lost but your impression on others is still present.
The information she gave you can help you to at least not slip completely out of contact to other colleagues.
If you really are a candidate to be promoted, being an outsider that noone else talks to really is an obstacle.
What should I do in this case?
Regardless of this HR meeting was legally or ethically correct or not, you should think about where you are going to position yourself in this company.
I would ask the HR woman for further details about what she said. What is this guy's reputation in the company, is he really short about getting fired and so on. She should know what she is allowed to tell you,
If you want to keep chit-chat alive with the guy, don't loose contact to other colleagues. For example the lunch breaks, don't feel pushed back if they talk about long-known things. It's not a problem to just listen to them.
There is another thread I know and probably many others I don't know dealing with how to get closer contact to colleagues.
answered 1 hour ago
puckpuck
1,363211
or is she genuinely trying to protect me?
People in this forum can't know what the HR woman really plans to achieve.
But I can give my impression of this situation which should help you to further evaluate it. The short form of my answer is yes she could be trying to protect you.
I can't seem to find out why staying in good relation with him (as I have been trying with anyone else with poor results) could hurt my career.
Imagine this at school, the bullies or "bad ones" or nerds and whatever groups there are. One doesn't judge everyone individually. Someone joining the bullies group is considered a bully too. How else should they fit into this group? Period. This is not nice but it's how peoples' minds work.
From what you describe I conclude this person is seen as perhaps an outsider (not a major problem) who makes inaproppriate jokes and upsets people (this is a problem).
You are joining this group.
Those who don't like him will not even try to like you - it's even harder for you to get close to others. Imagine the person really leaves this company, then your only contact is lost but your impression on others is still present.
The information she gave you can help you to at least not slip completely out of contact to other colleagues.
If you really are a candidate to be promoted, being an outsider that noone else talks to really is an obstacle.
What should I do in this case?
Regardless of this HR meeting was legally or ethically correct or not, you should think about where you are going to position yourself in this company.
I would ask the HR woman for further details about what she said. What is this guy's reputation in the company, is he really short about getting fired and so on. She should know what she is allowed to tell you,
If you want to keep chit-chat alive with the guy, don't loose contact to other colleagues. For example the lunch breaks, don't feel pushed back if they talk about long-known things. It's not a problem to just listen to them.
There is another thread I know and probably many others I don't know dealing with how to get closer contact to colleagues.
answered 1 hour ago
puckpuck
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answered 1 hour ago
puckpuck
1,363211
answered 1 hour ago
puckpuck
1,363211
answered 1 hour ago
puckpuck
1,363211
1,363211
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1
Only you can decide if your career is more important to you than socializing with co-workers.
– sf02
9 hours ago
what would you like to happen?
– aaaaaa
8 hours ago
1
This is someone who generally does not put his full effort into the work and is the first person to enhance conflicts, has low engagement to the work stuff and has a tendency to tell offensive jokes that can cause him to get sued. She was trying to be helpful. You can still do whatever it is you want and hope for the best.
– Joe Strazzere
6 hours ago
2
An HR person telling you someone else may be terminated soon is a breach of confidentiality. They should not be telling you this under any circumstances.
– Solar Mike
2 hours ago
2
Mandatory disclaimer: HR is not your friend.
– EJoshuaS
1 hour ago