Mdthbs

Two days ago, one of my old relatives passed away. His family lives 900km away and due to my job, I couldn't show up at funeral. Where I live it's important to show up.
I've thought of calling his family, which were always good and friendly to me, and express my deep condolence. What has stopped me till now is,

1. His family are 6 people, and my condolence words are limited (saying condolences is really not something I practice everyday). I fear repeating same paragraph over and over again.


2. I am really bad at talking to sad people, I don't know what to tell to someone who I don't see and have no idea of their amount of sadness.


3. All my relatives are in that city (900km distance) and in past years, I could barely visit them, and some of them are a bit upset about this (in a friendly way), as I have missed marriages of my dearest relatives and funeral of some others in these years.

I am good at writing letters and express my feelings in writing, so one of my options are writing a message in social media, but we were closer than this.

How can I express my sincere condolences? Experiences on either side would be helpful, whether you are good at saying condolences or have lost someone close and could tell what you expected or wanted people to say.

Some other facts:

• My entire family went all the way to show up and I couldn't.


• I always make short calls, and am not the type of person who can have
  long phone conversations. My calls are usually one minutes.


• Sadly, my family also thinks I'm unfeeling. The reasoning is I don't
  call too much, which isn't true (I feel). I love everyone, I love and
  miss my family and relatives. I just don't know why I should call
  someone, if nothing has happened between us since last time we spoke
  (that's my real and only reason).

Write a letter and send it via good old fashioned Snail Mail.

I have experienced a similar situation in which my aunt passed and the funeral was in the Midwest and I lived in New England (United States). I wrote a letter (not typed, emailed, etc- but actually hand written with a pen) to each closely-related family.

This should be ideal because

1. you express that you are good at writing letters




2. it shows sincere condolences as many may see your letter writing and delivery method personal and genuine as it takes considerable effort to send such a letter whereas on social media it takes much less effort



3. a physical letter can be longer appreciated- it can be hung up in their place of living, passed around to local family members and read privately, etc.

Here's a snippet taken from a condolence letter I have written:

Hello Smith family!

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of Aunt Jeanine. I felt like
there would be so much more time to spend with her.

James

Keep in mind this is just a snippet, and other contextual or personal information could be included however relevant.

I recommend writing several drafts on paper to make sure you're happy with the penmanship, font style, clarity of writing, color of ink, etc. When you're satisfied, make your final writing on the actual card/mail item.