Mdthbs

As a woman who used to tend bar, I've dealt with a lot of intrusive questions at work, mostly from customers. A lot of men want to take home the bartender and many of them can be quite pushy about it. Off the clock, I could just walk away from guys like this, but at work I had to be polite in rejecting these advances and it was sometimes pretty difficult. If I said I had a boyfriend, they wanted to know if I loved him, if he was good to me, if he was there that night. If I plainly said I wasn't interested, they wanted to know why not, did I dislike all guys who were (insert characteristic here), maybe I just needed to get to know him better. It was exhausting and it took up a ton of time. I finally hit upon the solution with a simple phrase,

No thank you.

It's simple, polite, and it offers no in-roads for follow-up questions. If a guy did want to ask follow-up questions, I would just keep repeating "No thank you," until he gave up. It was extremely effective.

You have to offer a little more, because you see this guy every day, but the point is to give him nothing to latch on to. He's on an information starvation diet from now on.
Next time this colleague asks why you were late, you can simply answer,

I discussed it with (supervisor). It's nothing for you to concern yourself with.

Obviously you can modify the first sentence (or drop it entirely) to suit the realities of how lateness is handled in your office. But the second one is crucial.

This guy will no doubt have follow up questions. Here's the tricky part: don't offer anything else. Just keep repeating the above two sentences. Build a stone wall out of them. You can make variations ("You don't need to worry about it." "Thanks for your concern, but everything's ok.") But don't expand on anything. Don't offer more information.

You might feel like you are being rude or behaving strangely while doing this; remind yourself that it is, in fact, your coworker who is being rude. Repeat this any time he takes an intrusive interest in you. After getting frustrated a few times, he should stop asking.

Obviously, he isn't asking because he cares about the answer. He is trying to put you at a disadvantage. You don't owe him an answer, and when you do answer him or try to defend yourself it will probably just encourage him. If I had a guess, I'd say he feels threatened by you for some reason. It may be you specifically, and it may just be his personality. There are people who are paranoid and feel threatened by everyone around them, and they often try to assert superiority by putting others on the defensive or making them lose their tempers.

Nothing says "I'm not playing your game" like a smile and a shrug. Maybe "nothing serious, thanks for asking" or, some other non-committal answer. If he is persistently pushy, you might try "I'm sure my boss appreciates your desire to look out for the company's interests. I'll be sure to mention it at our next meeting.", always with a pleasant smile.

Once he realizes that he can't dominate or get a rise out of you, he should back off. If he doesn't, it may be time to let your manager deal with him. The sarcastic and provocative behavior is harassment, and offices take it more seriously these days.

But he still does so, sometines in very provocative and sarcastic manner.

I've been through this too. I hated it (and still do) and it annoyed me to the point I was rude. Instantly rude, "[ self-censored ]" (won't write the words here, of course, but you get the idea...). Far above what was certainly needed at that time. And I have never heard of him anymore, but I had an enemy at the workplace. No more problem with him, but bad reputation for "having an attitude, can't take a joke, and so on...". No need to tell you that what I had done was too much, like "killing a fly with a sledghammer". Bad idea. I needed to find a better way...

Second time (years later, another company, but same kind of know-it-all-and-above-all-funny-jerk), I wanted another approach, and used a similar technic: provocative and sarcastic.

When the guy asked his question, I first ignored him and walked by. Second time, I stopped right away, stood up in front of him, hands in my back (like you do in the Army, when you report to someone), my gaze fixed in front of me, and said: "My name is PaulD - Front-end developer at Company X - SSN 772-00-1324" ⁽¹⁾. Repeat as needed anytime they say something or ask a question. They'll give up and move on. At one point, they will, believe me. The best is when some people are listening / watching. End with a smile, a wink, turn back and walk... :)

You act like a POW and won't answer any question, just calling The Geneva Convention. With creativity, you can also invoke Miranda warning or The Fifth Amendment or any other private/legal/human right from your country. And use it in a funny way to dismiss their questions. Your message is really clear here! No matter what you ask, the only thing you'll get is that answer.

I did that the second time, and it was much better, as I was seen at the funniest guy (of the two ²) by other staff members, who laughed. Some of them even said they never dared to answer, but considered his behavior like bullying. Anyway, for me, the result was the same, the "smart guy" left me alone, but it was not because I used a nuclear option. Much better ;)

I've never found another way, but have to warn you that you won't make friends that way. You need to set boundaries in one way or another, I (sadly) never achieved that the smooth way, because they usually don't take "no" as an answer. But you can stop them by returning the gun against them.

^{1: stands for "Social Security Number" (772 is an unused sequence - 00 is never used therefore this number can't by anyone's)2: no need to say that I was indeed the funniest of the whole team, of course :D}

I was going to add this as a comment on IAntoniazzi's answer since it's very similar, but apparently that takes some reputation I don't have.

A possible alternative to the phrasing offered in that answer that offers even less information but maintains professionalism and courtesy on your part:

"Good morning, Bob!"

Then you continue on your way or engage your work, and offer no more. Eventually he'll get bored of badgering you if this is all he'll ever get from you.

I've used this response in many scenarios where I get any sort of question or comment upon first interaction that crosses a line, and almost always it results in the person getting the message: you're not interested in answering that question. On the rare occasion the person followed me or continued to attempt to engage, a simple repetition (possibly with slight inflection of sarcasm) worked wonders. This process looks professional and deflects the issue entirely onto them. If, on the off chance you get a super stubborn person that continues to badger, then you have a different problem all together.

What kind of situation is this? Do you work in the same room or otherwise near each other or are you just walking past him and he starts asking questions? Or does he come to you? If it is a passing moment you are better off making it as short as possible and avoid making it an exchange. Avoid responding question with a question or giving him an answer he can hang on to. If your workplaces are near simply walking past with minimal interaction is not possible so you need to make a comment and not answer his questions.

In the first case I'd just respond with good morning jeff or something else like it. You can adjust this answer with your voice. If you say it with annoyed voice you get a different effect than if you use normal voice. If he wants to keep going you can also say things like I don't have time for chitchat now. If he asks questions with nasty voice you can also ask is he ok or ask him to repeat it. Then ask why he is making the sarcastic voices.

Make him aware of what he is doing and don't let him get away with it. Don't make it argument but make it an inquiry. After all you are interested why is he asking these questions and making them is sarcastic voices. His motives could be teasing and bullying and if you give him easy answers he gets off of you being an easy target. If you start asking leading questions (why are you asking, who made you the boss) you get him on the defensive which won't work either. If you respond to loaded question with why do you care you put yourself to defensive which is not useful either.

Being professional and avoiding dropping down to his level is your best strategy. He has no business asking you those questions but you have valid reasons to ask him why is he making those remarks. If he is bully make yourself a hard target and if he is nosy be professional so he gets nothing out of it and that he knows he is not going to get anything either.

I have not had this specific experience but I've experienced similar situations along the way (I'm 68) - in similar situations "Over The Top" humour* can work.

The aim, while being non-combative and non-confrontational, is to provide a non-answer-answer that is manifestly ludicrous and which tells them that you can handle their style, that you are not going to tell them anything useful and that they are liable to look silly if they persist.

• Sorry, I had to sign an NDA*




• I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Or, if that may sound too like a real threat, then

• I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill myself.




• Have you any idea how hard it is to find a phonebooth to change out of your [superhero of choice] costume at this time of day?




• "Do YOU KNOW where I've been?" (loud, stage whisper).
  
  'No.' (what else can he say?)
  
  "Good." Smile. Walk off.




• ...

You may want to find a drop-back repeat answer if they DO persist.

"I had to sign an NDA" may be useful in that role.

*NDA - Non Disclosure Agreement.

Related:

To the "Why the [expletives deleted] did you do that" query when what you did is reasonable, fully defensible and/or none of their business: A concise explanation - followed by -
"Please don't mistake an explanation for an apology".
This can probably be used, at most, once per person, doesn't make you any friends, and is best left for extreme cases where you wish to make the point badly enough that the fallout is "worthwhile". I have used that on a very very dew occasions - and from memory I may seek to soften it with a smile and relaxed style - it's been so long since I've used it that memory dims. [I left 'corporate life' after 23 years for self employment, 25+ years ago, and have not used it in that time]. To someone attempting to put you in your place, with no right to be acting as they are, it can be devastating. But may not be :-).

Added:

I have used the "then I'd have to kill you" / me lines and the NDA line on a number of occasions. The NDA line is sometimes even true :-).

Specific examples are not overly relevant (and I'd have to actually dredge some up**) BUT these are genuinely answers that I've used.

My aim is to convert the situation to one of flippancy.

If the inquirer has no right to ask, and/or no genuine concern and/or is clearly just attempting to play alpha-male/dominance/ ... games then the flippant answer largely removes their traction. They can try again - but they are building on a foundation of 'stupidity'. I'm not suggesting that this is appropriate where the query has a legitimate basis.

*Antipodean humour = humor.

** And then, if I told you, I'd have to kill you.

[[I once made $US15,000 from an idea I had based on clearing rotting carpet from a pile in my driveway - I'd love to tell you how but I had to sign an NDA]][A genuine case :-) ].